Important Pre Marriage Questions to Ask
People simply don’t learn enough about each other before they slip on the wedding band and say, “I do.” They fail to ask pre marriage questions about serious issues like money, children, spiritual beliefs, personal history, and so on. By the time they learn their spouse is abusive, a spendthrift, or someone who despises children, they either have to put up with the situation or go through a messy divorce.
Asking the right questions before marriage will help you decide if you’ve truly found “The One.” Although there hundreds of issues we could cover here, let’s start with the basics:
1. Do you truly love each other?
You need to be certain that both of you love each other. Unfortunately, it’s easy to confuse infatuation and lust with love. Suffice to say that infatuation is more about being in love with the way someone makes you feel. True love happens slowly; it’s about being committed and concerned for your partner’s wellbeing.
2. Do you share similar goals?
Even if you have different dreams, you can still be compatible. You might want to be a CEO of a company someday, while your partner wants to become a chef. However, the two of you may have goals that are incompatible. What if your dream is to travel the world, and your partner hates travel? Suppose you want to buy a house in five years, yet your partner only seems interested in living for the moment? It’s best to get these details sorted out beforehand.
3. Do you want children?
If both of you want children, great. If neither of you wants to have children, that’s great too. The important thing is being on the same page when it comes to children, when to have them, and how to raise them. Many couples have split up over issues like this, all because they failed to ask this important pre marriage question: “Do you want to have kids someday?”
4. Do you share the same beliefs? If not, can you respect your differences?
It’s easiest to marry someone who shares the same religious beliefs as yourself. However, it’s very possible for two people from different religious backgrounds to have a harmonious marriage IF they’re able to understand and respect those differences. You should never marry someone with the hope of converting them to your idea of the “truth.”
5. Are the two of you able to “fight fair?”
It’s normal for couples to argue every now and then. However, it’s a problem when your arguments aren’t constructive. When you have a disagreement with your partner, do you communicate respectfully? Are the two of you able to reach a solution, or do you avoid these issues by jumping straight to “make-up sex?”
6. How do you handle money?
Money (or at least people’s attitude towards money) can cause some of the worst marriage problems. Usually it’s a case where one spouse is the saver and the other one is a spender. Sometimes both partners are terrible with money and spend their way into debt together. It’s worth knowing how your partner handles money so that you’ll be well prepared for any financial conflicts.
7. What are your vices?
Everyone has bad habits and character failings. Most of us tell white lies from time to time (”Yes, of course I like your new hairstyle”), forget to do the things we should, and say things we shouldn’t. However, there are character flaws that you definitely don’t want in a mate. If your partner is prone to violent outbursts, drinks heavily, takes drugs, or has a history of cheating on their significant other, that’s a big red flag.
It takes courage to ask pre marriage questions like these; most of us would rather close our eyes, trusting that love will find a way. However, it’s wise to follow Benjamin Franklin’s advice regarding marriage: Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
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